somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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