Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
