for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
