Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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