she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
