Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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