And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
