went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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