I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
