I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
