So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
