my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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