can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
