it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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