mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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