Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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