my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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