I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
