Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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