I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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