We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
