why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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