Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
