please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
