I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
