How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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