Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
