What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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