he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
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being pregnant is like rehab
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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