Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
