I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
