Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
