How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
