PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
