i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
