You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
