even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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