You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
