I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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