He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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