I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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