I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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