..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
