So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
