dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
