I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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