I just pynch a tree in the face
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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