your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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