She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
