Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I understand Curling. That high.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
