Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
