rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
