is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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