Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
