first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
