I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
