i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
