So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
