I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Soap is not a condiment
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
