discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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