as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My feet surprised me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
