He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The convent might be a nice break from real life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
