I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
