i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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