Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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