How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
