Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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