Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
