I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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