apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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