there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
