Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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