I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Go christen that room with your naked body.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
