that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
