I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
