You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize