I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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