there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
