Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
