just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
