I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
