So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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