she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
