Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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