and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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