Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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